Today is September 21, 2016. This month is always hard for me. When you lose someone close, you don’t forget. It never goes away. You just find ways to cope with it & get by as best you can. Among the many I’ve lost, one of the hardest to cope with was a girl who is one of my best friends & basically family. She went to heaven last year. Now my wife just lost her paternal grandmother, on top of her also losing her maternal grandmother the year before. Needless to say, between these two women and my friend, I was welcomed with open arms and open hearts. When I find something good, I plant roots! These women were BEYOND good people..
The passing of my friend Becky spawned something in me that shakes me. The idea of losing people that are in the same age range really paints a scary picture of reality. Through social media a few days later, all friends that knew her lit a candle at a specific time, so that even if us friends of her’s were in different areas, we would be together to honor her. I made a promise out loud to her. I promised that I would not fear anymore & that I would honor her memory with songs that I’d write in her name. I spent the entire year from September 2015 thru 2016 writing and pushing out ideas. I came up with about 6 or 7 songs. Three of them stuck out & though I was a salesman at the time, I knew that if I ever got to put out an album, these would be on it.
One song is called “Angel”, one called “Breathe”, and one called “Lullaby”. Lullaby was finished last week. These songs were the hardest to write & harder to sing. I couldn’t get a good take, because I kept crying through the recording. I couldn’t catch a breath while singing them. I had to piece Lullaby together from about 20 takes of the same vocal track. I managed to get a version finished & I put it on this website Reverbnation. I’ve found it to be a good website for hosting my original tunes until my website was up. I posted it in honor of Becky and my Grandmothers. Those songs take a long time to finish, because you don’t want to face them. I think that the approach is key. I’m going to try to approach it with honor & gratitude, unlike the approach that leads me to a dark place. The lyric that speaks to me is “You made every day the best day you’ve ever had”. For the ladies I’ve mentioned, this is the absolute truth!
If you’re reading this and went through some traumatic losses or circumstances, I want you to know something that I’ve picked up through the years. Understand that it’s okay to feel the hurt, but somewhere along the line, you must always push forward. I don’t mean “try to forget” as a form of healing. It’s impossible…. These are scars to the soul. You have to rationalize & justify the pain that you carry. Know that they are truly in a place of peace. When it gets hard to deal, think of them as if they were always watching you. You have to make them proud. You can push forward & the motivation comes from knowing that you were lucky to be in their presence, no matter how long or short that time was. These souls are irreplaceable. And that is something that everyone can understand.
I’m saddened, but extremely grateful. I am positive that I wouldn’t be all of what I am & what I will be, if it wasn’t for THEM.